(humor me) POPE'S BIZZARE BEHAVIOR ALARMS VATICAN

Officials at the highest levels of the Catholic Church are at a loss to explain the shameful and outrageous actions of one of the world's most respected figures, Pope Benedict XVI. In a statement issued from Saint Peter's Square, a clearly shaken Cardinal Bagglio Douche, aide-de-camp to Benedict XVI, described the Pontiff's recent conduct as so grotesque as to "make the Saints in heaven retch." When pressed by reporters for details, an ashen Cardinal Douche confessed that, "If the truth of this matter was to be revealed, the very foundations upon which the Church stands would crumble. Mass hysteria would erupt in religious communities around the world, governments would fall, and the end of days would be upon us." And so, the deranged ecclesiastic misdeeds of Pope Benedict remain a mystery, for now.
But this is not the end of the story. Shortly after Cardinal Douche's conference a doleful monk came forward and spoke. It seems the Pope's anomalous behavior began innocently enough and initially raised few eyebrows. As the monk related, "The strange doings ofa da Pope began ina da monestary when he request we addressa him not as Pope Benedict, but asa Pope 'Bent-dick.' We do not understand. But he isa da Pope so we do like he say. Next day, he think he isa General Douglas McArthur and he try to go to da Philippines. One time we find him ona the highway holding a sign that say 'Philippines.' Da Pope, he look ridiculous doing this. You see, he spell Philippines with an 'F' and the people, they laugh."
Then things quickly got out of hand, and before you could say, "Bless me Father," the Holy Father was in it up to his collar. No one knows how this scenario will eventuate. The Church remains tight-lipped on the affair. Only time will tell if a misunderstood rebel or a pshchopath is acting as God's representative on earth.