NEW YORK - Yesterday the Archdiocese of New York disclosed the lurid details of its annual New Year's Eve party. One of the biggest celebrations in the world, and known for its salacious revelry, the event is predicted to draw a crowd of one hundred thousand or more at St. Patrick's Cathedral. The city's police department is in the process of swearing in hundreds of new officers in preparation of the anticipated drunken brawls which have marked past events.
Live music will be provided by Sammy and The Sodomites. The menu boasts such delicacies as cream of sum yung guy soup, mountain oysters on the half-shell, tube steak smothered in underwear, spermaceti with hot sauce, and a wide variety of intoxicating beverages. As usual, many valuable prizes will be awarded to lucky partygoers. This year's grand prize is rumored to be a weekend trip for two at the fabulous Liberace museum and public baths in exciting Semen City, Florida. Door prizes include: a pair of empty wine bottles and a clay crack pipe said to have been used at the Last Supper, the remnants of a pair of swimming trunks worn by Jesus Christ while on vacation at the Sea of Galilee, a get-out-of-hell-free card, and a sliver of the True Cross.
Many exorcisms are planned and a reenactment of an Inquisition torture session will be performed. A surprise guest appearance by none other than the big cheese himself, God's sidekick, Pope Benedict XVI and his newly tricked-out popemobile is breathlessly anticipated.
A member of the organizing committee, Rev. Damien DeDildo, was quoted as saying, "This is gonna be a bash that would've made Caligula blush!" Tickets are limited, so make your plans early. And, as before, free admission to anyone bringing a cute altar boy.
I don't know about you, my friends, but ol' johnnybk plans on getting his rocks off in NYC come Dec. 31.
Not working...
ReplyDelete