Rocked repeatedly in recent years by allegations of psychopathia sexualis embracing many of its clergy, the Catholic Church is confronted with yet another horrific scandal. Church authorities, still reeling from the ruinous consequences of widespread sexual assaults perpetrated by priests upon innocent young boys, and occasionally, unsuspecting farm animals, now face a far more sinister threat.
It has been reported that in many American cities, gangs of psychotic nuns roam the streets in search of victims on which to inflict their sexual sadism. Reported attacks, always involving men or boys, are marked by savage johnson amputation. The bloodshed is accompanied by frenzied lesbian orgies and the scenes of the violence are left littered with severed trouser snakes, some still twitching, blood, feces, vomit and various bodily secretions.
In Rome the Holy Father responded to the disturbing revelations by exclaiming, "Holy f*&#ing Christ!" The pontiff then promptly soiled his vestments.
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